7 Mindset Shifts That Will Help You Overcome Envy
Envy will break you!!
Envy is a quite common emotion in human beings. But like anger, happiness, and sadness, envy can be a choice. So, what is “Envy” in the first place?
Envy is the feeling of wanting something that others have, especially in the friends and family circle.
We don’t envy Elon Musk or Kim Kardashian. Actually, we do (If you are on Twitter you would understand this), but that’s quite uncommon. We envy our neighbors, friends, and colleagues more than famous and rich people. Some of the triggers that lead to envy are money, fame, professional success, fitness, and, social media.
If you are obsessed with something that other people have but you don’t have it then it gives you some kind of frustration and that leads to unhappiness. Envy is one of the main reasons for high mental stress and anxiety.
Simply put, Envy is unhealthy.
So, how to stop being envious of others and attain peace? Well, there are a few mental shifts that you need to make to avoid this dangerous trap.
1. Stop Comparing & Take Accountability
Don’t judge yourself that you didn’t accomplish what others did. Don’t compare yourself with others. You are maybe better than him or worse than her, but the point is you are you.
I don’t get this point of why people compare themselves with others and play the victim.
It is what it is and you have to accept yourself that you don’t have that stuff and just move on. Hold yourself accountable for whatever things happen to you.
Once you start playing the accountability game and leave the victim game, you find ways to improve yourself.
Do you want a fit body? Accept that your fitness level is very low and then find ways to improve it. Simply, start working out and eat well instead of saying “Arnold Schwarzenegger used drugs” or “That bitch could afford a fancy gym membership and soo”.
Just understand that the fight is always with you. Are you better than your previous version (6 months back)? That’s the question you should be asking yourself.
2. Either Trade Everything Or Nothing
Naval Ravikant, one of my few favorite people I look after, said this:
“Envy is an illusion. The part of the person that we envy doesn’t exist without the rest of that person. If we aren’t willing to trade places with them completelty — their life, their body, their thoughts — then there is nothing to be envious about.”
– Naval Ravikanth
Envy is an illusion.
The part of the person that we envy doesn’t exist without the rest of that person.
If we aren’t willing to trade places with them completely — their life, their body, their thoughts — then there is nothing to be envious about.
— Naval (@naval) May 3, 2020
Basically, when we envy someone, we only envy one particular thing from those people. Fame, money, social following, relationship, etc. But we don’t consider their struggles and we don’t consider swapping everything.
I’d like to have the money that Warren Buffet has ($100 Billion) parallelly keeping my age (24) — there is no point in teleporting my 20s to 90s for the sake of money. I don’t want to live at his place. And I don’t want to spend 5 hours a day reading. This is just another sci-fi get rich quick scheme.
Now question yourselves:
“Am I ready to swap my entire life (kids, parents, job,…) with the person I am jealous of?”
3. Abundance Mindset
Stephen Covey coined the term “Abundance Mindset” in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People which is one of the best self-help books of all time.
We assume that if other people make money then we lost an opportunity to make that money (scarcity mentality). On the other hand, an abundance mindset refers to the paradigm that there is plenty out there for everybody.
Now see it this way. There is too much competition in the world. But there are too many competitions too. And the opportunities are abundant. And money is abundant.
Win-win situations are formed with this mindset. For example, if you can help others make money or save money or save time you’ll get paid, on scale, based on how big problems you solve.
So the next time you meet someone you envy for her business, ask her how she did it and learn from her. The next time you meet someone you envy for his fitness, ask him what diet her followed, and what exercises her did.
4. Become Self Obsessed
Be so self-obsessed that you shouldn’t have time for others. I like to spend most of the time alone (you can be alone without being lonely). But at the same time be with people that support and motivate you and make sure you give them back your support when they are in need.
First of all, when you love yourself so much, you understand what you want in life. Then you won’t copy desires from someone at least.
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your potential….these are the keys that will unlock the doors to personal experience.
– Confucius
You just need to have a desire, that is of your own. Work hard and buy a car because you always wanted to own a car. Not because someone already has it and you want to participate in the rat race.
Someone buying a luxury car or house doesn’t turn me on. What turns me on is freedom. If someone had already achieved that, I’d try to learn from them with the abundance mindset instead of being jealous of him/her. So, what turns you on? Find it. Work on it.
Your time is limited. So don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
– Steve Jobs
5. Avoid FOMOs. Play Long Game
FOMO or Fear Of Missing Out is the feeling of tension over the possibility of not being a part of something that others are already part of. When NFTs got hype in 2021, everyone experienced FOMO.
The feeling of losing an opportunity to make money by trading NFTs. So, everyone got in it. And then people realized that it’s not NFTs but it’s actually good NFTs that are here to stay. Not what you think is good, but what the market think is good is here to stay.
So, avoid FOMO and embrace JOMO. JOMO or Joy Of Missing Out is a term coined by entrepreneur Anil Dash. Time is limited and you can only make a few choices in your life. So, thin long term when making choices whether it’s in business, career, or relationships.
Everything compounds over time.
6. Moderate Social Media Usage
Social Media is the top trigger for envy. Back in the 1990s people don’t have access to information about other people’s lifestyles. But now with Instagram and Facebook, I can see what everyone is doing in their life. While there are many upsides with social media like connecting people, businesses marketing their products, etc. There are downsides like anxiety, depression, and envy.
I’m not saying to completely avoid social media (If you can, you are a buddha to me). But at least try your reduce the usage and don’t follow people that you envy.
And please, turn off all the notifications.
Every like that you get from someone is a cheap dopamine hit that is gonna make you use the social platforms more and more.
7. Avoid Competition — Peter Theil
Peter Theil said “Competition is for losers” in his book “Zero To One”. While he meant that in a business context, I think it applies it almost any aspect of life. Have you ever heard of the quote “The best way to change the world is to change yourself”?
So, the best way to be the best in the world is to become the best version of yourself. You are your competitor. If you are better than your previous version, you are doing pretty well in the game. It’s just that you need to define your game instead of becoming part of the game that someone else has written the rules.
Conclusion
The goal of every human being is to “Try to live the best life they can”. And this can’t be done if our hearts are filled with envy. I hope these mindset shifts will help you avoid the jealousy game and make you a better person.
